


Winter Bear

by kissmyapplejuice



Category: Disney - All Media Types, Frozen (Disney Movies), Frozen - Anderson-Lopez & Lopez/Lee, Helsa - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hans didn't do his dumb betrayal thing though, Marriage, Miscarriage, Sisterly Love, late miscarriage, post frozen, still birth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24430921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissmyapplejuice/pseuds/kissmyapplejuice
Summary: It was supposed to be a joyous time for the royal couple, but their world came crashing down around them in an instant.
Relationships: Anna & Elsa (Disney), Elsa/Hans (Disney)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	Winter Bear

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone. I'm sorry this isn't a Scars update, but that story just doesn't want to work with me, so I decided to finally get around to editing and expanding this one shot. I have been really down on my writing as of late and feeling very low about myself as a person in general. I've also been feeling very alone, so I'm sorry that this story is sad and super angsty. My heart just isn't into the idea of writing upbeat and happy things while I'm feeling this way.
> 
> This story ignores the ending of Frozen, and Hans didn't do his whole dumb thing and instead gets to live happily ever after because THIS IS MY SHIP AND I WANT IT TO SAIL. This story takes influence from the song "Winter Bear" by Coby Grant. The song is beautiful and amazing, and I highly recommend it.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing except the stuff I create, and to be honest, Disney owns most of the things I love anyway.

**TRIGGER WARNINGS: STILL BIRTH**

* * *

The winter rain pelts against the glass of the window. The depressing weather doesn't even compare to the feelings of despair that echoed in the halls of Arendelle's castle. Elsa watches as the raindrops fall across the clear surface, but her eyes soon fall onto her reflection staring back at her. The woman in the window is someone that she doesn't recognize. She's paler and gaunt, the luster behind her blues eyes is done. It's too much to look at. Elsa breaks eye contact and looks down at her expanded belly. The sight brings a new wave of tears as her hands go to caress it, the reminder of everything that she lost.

* * *

" _Elsa," Elsa turns away from the window, her face splitting into a grin as soon as Hans enters their chambers. He looks as handsome as the day that he had stepped on Arendelle's shores almost two years ago for her coronation. His red hair looking slightly disheveled since he had sprinted down the halls of the castle to get to his wife. He quickly crosses the room as he spots her, pulling her in close, "Is everything all right? Kai said it was urgent,"_

_Elsa leans back, her hand caressing his face. Her love for him swelling in her heart. This was the face of the man who held her heart. The face of the man who had saved Arendelle when she had run away. The face of the man who had saved her, and continually put her first despite her giving him every reason to run._ _"Everything is perfect, Hans," Hans can't help but chuckle at his wife's dream-like expression._

_However, his laughter quickly turns serious as he remembers Kai_ _'s words, "If everything is so perfect, why would Kai tell me that you had something urgent to tell me?"_

" _I just want to remember this moment," She feels her eyes filling up with tears. This is the moment they had been waiting and trying for since they got married a year ago._

" _Why?" Hans notices the tears gathering, "Snowflake, what's wrong? You're scaring me,"_

" _I just want to remember our first moment as a family,"_

" _As a family…" Elsa watches as the words run around in Hans' head. "As a family…" She sees the exact moment that her words sink in because a grin splits across Hans' face. An excited shriek leaves him, echoing through their chambers. He picks her up, twirling her in a circle, holding her close as his excitement overtakes him. He stops and looks up at her, his own eyes filling with tears, "really?"_

" _Yes," Elsa nods as both their tears start to fall freely._

" _Really, really?" She chuckles as her hands frame his face, her thumbs lightly caressing his cheeks._

" _Yes, really,"_

" _We're having a baby?"_

" _Yes!" Hans places a kiss on her lips, and her arms pull him closer as she savors his excitement. Their joy._

" _A baby," his voice is gentle as he sets her down, pressing their foreheads together. The quietness of the room doing nothing to quell the rising joy of the couple._

" _So," Elsa snuggles closer into Hans' embrace, "I take it that you're happy?"_

" _More than anything," Elsa feels him place a tender kiss into her hair. Her eyes falling shut as she basks in his warmth and his love. "Wait?!" Hans quickly pulls away, gripping her shoulders as another wide grin splits across his face._

_Elsa looks at him with confusion. Her wide eyes searching his face,_ _"What?"_

" _Have you told anyone else?"_

" _No, of course not," Elsa's eyebrows knit in confusion, "you needed to be the first to know. Why would I…?"_

_Hans lets out an excited yelp as he takes her hand dragging her out of the room._

" _Hans! What are you…?" A series of giggles falling from her lips as she watches her husband's childlike excitement._

_Hans throws open their chamber door and shouts down the empty hall,_ _"we're having a baby!" He pulls her throughout the castle, sharing the news to anyone that would listen. His actions earning a slew of congratulations and well wishes for the couple. As Elsa watches him, she can't imagine a moment happier than this._

* * *

A crash of thunder pulls Elsa away from her memory. She opens her eyes to see that the white fabric of her nightgown is wet from her tears. She gently wipes them away with one hand while the other remains on her stomach. Her painful reminder of happier times.

"I love you…to the moon," Elsa's voice cracks as she sings the familiar lullaby that she once sang every night to the child that had been growing inside of her, "and back…my little winter bear,"

"Elsa?" She hears her sister call for her from the other side of her door. Why didn't anyone understand that she wanted to be alone?

"Go away, Anna," She knows her voice is weak, but she knows that Anna can hear her. The silence is so prevalent in the castle that you could hear a pin drop. However, she doesn't hear her sister's retreating footsteps, but instead, she hears her opening the door.

"No," Elsa turns to her sister, and Anna is taken aback by the hate evident in Elsa's eyes. Anna looks at her sister still dressed in her nightgown. She obviously had no intention of leaving this room today. "Elsa, please…"

"Go!" Elsa charges at her sister, determined to shove her out of the room. However, about halfway to her, Elsa finds her legs giving way making her collapse to the floor. Anna quickly runs to her, gathering her into her arms as the sobs racking over Elsa's body. The frost that had been gathering around her in the room, getting thicker.

"It's okay, Elsa," Anna places her cheek, wet with her own tears, onto Elsa's head as the blonde soaks her heavy black gown. "I'm here,"

"It's not okay. None of this is okay," Elsa feels the constrictions in her chest as her heart breaks even more. She feels the burn in her throat from weeks of crying. "What kind of woman am I?"

"Elsa…"

"I couldn't even keep my son alive."

* * *

_Elsa sits at her desk, pouring over her paperwork when Anna comes waltzing into her study with a smile plastered on her face._

" _Hello, Elsa," the ginger rounds the desk with a little skip as her hand falls onto Elsa's expanded stomach, "and hello to you, too, my little prince,"_

" _Anna," Elsa laughs as her sister's antics, "we have no idea if it's a boy or a girl,"_

" _Gerda says it's a boy," Anna quirks her eyebrow up, "and when has Gerda ever been wrong?"_

" _I suppose you're right,"_

" _I'm just here to come and check up on you," Anna perches herself onto Elsa's desk, her legs swinging in front of her, "make sure that you aren't working yourself too hard,"_

" _Did Hans put you up to this?" Elsa sighs as she turns her focus from her documents back to her sister. Her eyes hopefully conveying her annoyance._

" _You mean I can't be concerned for my own sister's wellbeing?" Anna mocks a hurt expression, her hand dramatically going to her chest._

" _I'm not saying that, but I recently kicked Hans out of my office for asking about my well being too much," Elsa raises her quill towards Anna with pursed lips, "and I wouldn't be surprised if he roped you into,"_

" _You caught me," Anna chuckles as she leans back, "but you can't blame him. The baby is due in a couple of months, and you are still refusing to delegate any of your duties,"_

" _I'll tell you what I've told him. I am fine, I can still do my duties, and when I feel like I can't," Elsa places a tender hand onto Anna's, "I will gladly delegate,"_

" _Promise?"_

" _I promise,"_

" _Good because Hans told me that you had been having trouble sleeping because the baby has been kicking up a storm at night,"_

_Elsa lets out a laugh,_ _"Yea, they really have…" However, she stops her train of thought as she reflects on Anna's words, her face falling from its jovial position._

_Anna_ _'s face falls as she looks at her sister's distressed expression, "Elsa, what's wrong?"_

" _I haven't felt the baby move all day," Elsa's hands immediately fall to her belly. She thinks back to the night before and how she had fallen asleep as easily because the baby hadn't been moving. She begins to panic, moving her hands around to try to find any form of movement from the life within her. Her breathes become shallower with each passing second as the anxiety begins to skyrocket. The tears begin prickling the outer corner of her eyes as still searches, "Anna!"_

" _Elsa, calm down," Anna takes hold of her sister's panicking hands, turning Elsa's focus to her, "you probably haven't felt the baby because you're so used to the sensation, and you've been so focused on work,"_

" _No," Elsa looks at her sister, shaking her head, "no. No, something is wrong,"_

" _Elsa…"_

" _I need to go get the doctor," Elsa bolts upright, and begins to rush out the room when a wave of pain causes her to grip the back of one of the chairs._

" _Elsa!" Anna runs over to Elsa, helping her stand._

" _Please, go get the doctor." Elsa feels the tears begin to fall as she looks at her sister's now scared face._

* * *

Two weeks. She carried her dead son in her for nearly two weeks until her labor started. No doctor was willing to risk their queen's life with an induction, so she sat there for two weeks praying that her baby would move. When the time came, Elsa silently prayed that the baby would just cry when he came into the world, but no sound came except for the sullen voice of the midwife telling her that it was a boy.

Elsa buried herself deeper into Anna's embrace as the grief overtakes her. This was the first human contact that she had allowed in days.

She hadn't let anyone in except for servants who dropped off trays of food that were left untouched. Her ladies in waiting would draw her a bath and leave in a hurry to avoid her wrath. Hans had tried to come and comfort her, but she had just thrown ice spikes at him until he left.

For the first time, Elsa feels the frost from the room gather in her bones. The cold seeping underneath her skin.

"He's gone," the voice that leaves her doesn't sound like hers. It sounds like it belongs to the woman in the window, but for the first time, Elsa accepts that that woman was her. The broken woman who had been staring at her, mocking her, was herself, and with that realization, the grief flows out of her. "Espen is gone, and I am alone with nothing more than an empty womb and empty arms,"

"You aren't alone, Elsa," Anna holds her tighter, "we are all here for you,"

"You don't understand," Anna's heart breaks at the raw nature of Elsa's voice, "no one does,"

"Hans does," Elsa's face instantly sobers at the mention of her husband, "and right now he is avoiding his own grief because he is so worried about you,"

"Anna, I can't…"

Anna pulls her sister up and looks her in the eyes, "neither of you have to do this alone." Elsa feels her words catch in her throat, so she just nods.

Helping her sister off the floor, Anna helps her dress in her mourning garb. Telling her funny things that Olaf had said, and about some of her stories about her dates with Kristoff. Elsa knew that she was just trying to get her mind off Espen, and she appreciated it. Anna places a heavy cloak around Elsa's shoulders to hide the still prevalent bump of her midsection. Looking at her reflection, Elsa can't help but feel broken, but Anna's loving gaze makes the image more bearable. With a deep breath, the sisters walk out of the room, and Elsa's eyes lock with a figure leaning against the wall, her husband.

"Hans," Elsa feels a rush of sadness rush over her as she takes in his equally morose appearance. Anna squeezes her hand as she softly whispers in her ear that she would be waiting for them downstairs before hurrying away.

"Elsa," His voice is soft, and Elsa finds it unsettling. Hans wasn't the soft one out of the two of them. He was the rock. He was _her_ rock. Elsa can't help but fall into his arms, and he gladly pulls her close. His face burying itself into her neck.

"I'm sorry, Hans," the tears starting up again as she clings to the lapels of his jacket, "I am so, so sorry,"

"Shhh, my Snowflake," Hans whispers as he leans back, wiping away her tears with his thumb. Her eyes avoiding his gaze, "you have nothing to be sorry about,"

"It's my fault. I killed our baby…"

"No," Hans' voice becomes sharp causing her eyes to lock with his green ones. His hands frame her face, pressing their foreheads together as he lets out a heavy sigh. His voice returning its gentle nature, "no, Elsa, you didn't kill Espen. This wasn't your fault,"

"I couldn't carry him. I couldn't carry our baby."

"God was just ready for him," Hans lets a few of his own tears slip out, "there was nothing we could do."

* * *

" _Your Highness." Hans turns as soon as he hears the midwife came out. Her back to the door as she hangs in sorrow. The silence of the room is heavy as he watches her._

" _Is she…?"_

" _Queen Elsa is fine," the midwife musters a sad little smile as she looks up at him._

" _The baby…?"_

" _A boy, your Grace." Hans feels his bottom lip quiver as she mentions his child. His son._

" _Can I see him?"_

" _I don't think…"_

" _Please," The midwife stops herself as she looks at Hans' desperate face, "please, just let me see him." The midwife lets out a sigh, but gestures for him to follow as she leads him into the room. The bed that once held Elsa is empty as her handmaidens tend to her, and the servants strip the bloody sheets. The woman leads him over to a small bassinet by the window that is covered by a white blanket. She pulls back the cloth and Hans sees his son's lifeless body. An overwhelming sense of grief washes over him as he looks down at the babe._

" _Your Highness, maybe we shouldn't…"_

" _He looks like he's sleeping," Hans looks up, his eyes filled with tears as he looks at the woman before him, "I imagine that he would have never given Elsa and I this much peace. I always joked with Elsa that he would be a baby that would be up throughout the night…"_

" _Prince Hans…"_

" _He's perfect," Hans lays a hand on the baby's chest. "Our Espen. Our perfect little winter bear."_

* * *

The couple cling to each other as they cry together. Hans whispers words of love into Elsa's ear as she buries her face into his neck. Her shoulders shaking with each heave of her chest. However, a sound from the hall pulls their attention. They turn to see Kai is standing there, a small white object in his hand.

"It's time, your Majesties." His stoic tone doesn't hide the raw harshness in his voice. It was at that moment that the royal couple realizes that their whole country was grieving for the loss of their prince.

"I don't want to say goodbye to him, Hans." Hans smiles at her before placing a tender kiss onto her forehead. A heavy and broken sigh leaving her.

"Then we won't say goodbye. We'll just say that we'll see him later." Hans places her hand into the crook of his elbow as they slowly approach the Queen's loyal steward. Kai forces a sad smile as he hands them a knitted white bear that was reminiscent of the penguin from Elsa's childhood friend, Sir Jorgenbjorgen. Elsa holds it tight to her chest whispering a soft thank you before following the man down to the hall to begin the funeral processional.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a sucker for angst and unhappy endings just as much as I am for fluff and happy endings. I know this is a heavy subject, but life is a heavy subject.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it or, at least, I hope you liked it.
> 
> Please leave comments or favorites. You have no idea what those mean to an author.
> 
> Love,
> 
> KMA


End file.
